there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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