did you get engaged???
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
