I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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