There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
