I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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