Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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