the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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