dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
