I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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