What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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