Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
