working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
