I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
