I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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