You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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