okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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