I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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