I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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