I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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