what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
