47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
