thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
