I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
