You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
