my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
