just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
try to milk me bitch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
