i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
