I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
