he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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