O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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