Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
