What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
