Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
