people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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