I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
