What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
