She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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