She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
