im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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