i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
