I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
