Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
