I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
