so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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