i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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