GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
