my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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