My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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