Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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