I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
