we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
