Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
