Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
