Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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