he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
